In a world obsessed with hustling, achievements, and success, it seems that only super-confident humans have a chance at the podium of life. Yet, the truth is that most people go through periods of self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurities, and uncertainty.
We know the drill: fail, dust yourself off, get up, try again, rinse, and repeat.
But what is the secret sauce to having the confidence to keep going, to believe we can do it, and actually do it?
The number one confidence booster is to take action. I share a personal story in this article.
Here are more tips based on research and my two cents on the topic because you can’t write about confidence and not have enough self-assurance to give your opinion.
Tip 1. Practice making decisions.
Given all the decisions we have to make in our daily lives, we can find ourselves overwhelmed, confused, or paralyzed to the point of utter stagnation.
You might have heard the advice “limit your choices,” “ have ten of the same shirts,” or “choose a signature perfume and stick to it for life.”
While the advice is sound and will free up time and energy, you need to flex your decision-making muscles to be more confident.
Whether we grew up with authoritarian parents or were schooled by a system that asked us to stay in line, we will become more assertive and confident whenever we make a decision.
Tip 2. Set goals for yourself.
Set a goal.
It can be something as small as waking up 15 minutes earlier, going for a walk, or avoiding sugary foods.
Once you achieve your goal, you will automatically feel more confident about increasing your goal, pursuing another dream, or just feeling good about yourself.
Tip 3. Feed your mind with confidence-boosting thoughts and imagery.
Focus on your confidence, and your confidence will grow. Keep a journal about moments in your life in which you felt accomplished with yourself, your achievements, and your relationships.
You can also list everything you like about yourself, whether physical or character traits, intellectual abilities, skills, or talents.
Refer to your confidence journal regularly. Add pictures of yourself at significant moments in your life and inspiring quotes.
Display your accomplishments on a shelf; they will remind you of your successes and boost your confidence.
Note to self: Walk the talk and frame your diploma already.
Tip 4. Talk to yourself in the mirror
“ Mirror mirror on the wall…”
We are so used to looking in the mirror and seeing our flaws, our acne or wrinkles, or both! ( true story), but we seldom look in the mirror and say, “ What a beautiful smile I see.”
Practice looking in the mirror and saying it out loud ( your partner or children may think you are a bit weird, but hey… they may learn to love themselves a little more because you do too.) one positive thing about yourself. It could be a compliment, an affirmation, or high-five yourself, Mel Robbins style.
For a sneak peek into the high-five habit, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khujbeJvqcE
Tip 5. Avoid these three like the plague
The three things to avoid if you want to be more confident are: overthinking, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.
The more you think and overanalyze, the more doubt and insecurity creep in. Studies on successful and confident people suggest you act fast and fail fast.
The more time, resources, and energy you invest, the more you stand to lose; the bigger the risk, the greater your fear will be. Take small and fast risks, learn from your mistakes, start seeing some results, and boost your confidence while at it.
If you tend to people-please, you can lose sight of your desires, dreams, and goals. Nothing can kill confidence more than thinking what others want is more important than your vision.
Perfectionism derives from the word perfect, but nothing about it is perfect or even great. Perfectionism is the ultimate enemy of productivity, happiness, and confidence. Small achievable actions will boost your confidence, not a bar up so tall that it keeps going higher to untouchable heights.
Tip 6. Step out of your comfort zone.
Few things can make you feel alive and confident as doing something completely uncharacteristic of you, bold, risky, wild, or fun.
When I was 18, I worked in a camp with young girls in Ukraine and France, despite not speaking a word of Ukrainian and barely scraping by with French. My friends had a good laugh at my complete disorientation, but for me, it was an unforgettable experience in more ways than one. Aside from the heavenly daily French baguette, of course. Mon Dieu!
Tip 7. Meditate.
Studies on individuals who practiced 8 weeks of meditation have shown less activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear center.
Another experiment showed less activity, and the actual size of the amygdala shrunk. At the same time, the study showed more activity in the prefrontal cortex, the center for reasoning and planning.
Thanks to brain plasticity, you can contain and minimize the fear activity in your brain while boosting your capacity to think and plan more calmly, boosting your confidence.
Tip 8. Raise your serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine levels.
In their book The Confidence Code, researchers and authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman define confidence as “fuel for action… that gets one’s brain in the right frame of mind to act.”
Some neurotransmitters can alter your brain chemistry and support specific functions, ultimately boosting your confidence.
Healthy amounts of serotonin will quiet the amygdala, the fear center, and help you stay calm and make more rational decisions.
Oxytocin, “the love hormone,” drives our desire to hug, to be intimate with our partner, to be generous, to make moral choices, and to be loyal.
With oxytocin, people move towards making connections with others, socializing, and having more positive thoughts about others and the world. This optimistic attitude fosters action and risk-taking, both crucial to confidence.
Lastly, dopamine, “the feel-good hormone,” is linked to learning, curiosity, and pushing limits. Conversely, a lack of dopamine is associated with passivity, boredom, and depression.
So how in the world do we influence our brain chemistry?
The number one thing we can do is exercise. It boosts all three neurotransmitters and releases endorphins, the “pain-reliever hormone.”
For serotonin levels, get outside, enjoy some sunlight, and adjust your diet to include lots of tryptophan, which can be found in foods like salmon, eggs, soy, chicken, turkey, corn, seeds, and nuts.
To increase our oxytocin level, the recipe is hugs and cuddles, lovemaking, cooking and sharing a meal with loved ones, planning a romantic date, getting a massage, and petting an animal.
To boost our dopamine levels, meditation, listening to music, getting a good night’s sleep, and laughing will do the job.
The confidence experts Katty Kay and Claire Shipman said it best, “When dopamine, which gets us moving, is commingled with serotonin, which induces calm thought, and oxytocin, which generates warm and positive attitudes toward others, confidence can much more easily take hold.”
Tip 9. Choose one of these tips and apply it to your life right now.
All the knowledge in the world won’t boost your confidence until you get up and take action.
That I know to be the ultimate truth.
Comments 1