I used to consider myself a giver.
A mother, a teacher, a nurturer.
I’d fundraised for various causes and always ended my message with a cheesy, “May you always be on the giving end.”
For me, to give was a noble act. It was an honor and a privilege.
Until one day…
I became a single mother with four kids; the youngest was a newborn.
My childhood friends (all overseas in different countries) heard about it, and they immediately got together (virtually) and collected a significant amount of money to send me as a gift.
The day the money arrived, I was overcome with emotion.
The tears didn’t stop flowing.
I struggled to receive it wholeheartedly.
I considered not accepting it.
Confused, I turned to a friend, hoping she would validate my feelings.
When I say feelings, I mean a very faint ( but perfectly audible) voice in my mind, the traces of a full-blown ego thinking along the lines of, “Me? Receiving money? What am I? A poor person? I can pay my bills! I am an independent woman!”
She answered sharply as if she didn’t sense my inner turmoil (aka ego),
“Chany, if you don’t know how to receive, you don’t know how to give.”
Mic-drop!
I went home, and I repeated that statement over and over.
If you don’t know how to receive, you don’t know how to give.
Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.
You can’t give if you don’t have someone on the receiving end. And if the receiver refuses the gift… Puff! There is no more giving.
The giver needs the receiver, as much as the receiver needs the giver.
If I honestly believed in the beauty of giving and genuinely marveled at people’s kindness and goodness of heart, how could I deny such an honor to another human?
Why is giving only altruistic when I am the one giving? Moreover, what are my deepest intentions when I extend my hand to another?
“You can be generous by taking.”
— Gretchen Rubin
If I look down at someone and think,
“Look at this person; she is needy, broken, and doesn’t have her act together. Let me, the strong independent woman I am, help her out.”
That is not kindness, but an arrogant assault on someone’s vulnerability, even if it is only happening in my head.
However, when I look up at someone and think,
“Look at this person; he is strong and vulnerable. He is trying, struggling. Perhaps I can do something to alleviate his misery, if even for a moment?”
Then I am finally seeing another human in his full humanity.
The ups and downs, the highs and lows.
The burdens we carry with us, our fears and hopes, yet to be realized, still empowering our tomorrows.
If I can see another human with compassion and humility. How can I not see myself in the same way?
Who do you become when you learn how to receive?
You become more humble, more understanding.
You love deeper. Your compassion radiates.
You become more giving.
More human.
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מרגש ונוגע ללב.ותודה רבה ששיתפת אותי
אני כבר לא זוכרת את השיחה שלנו ובהחלט מאמינה שהייתה כזו.
תמשיכי להצליח ולתת לעולם מהיופי שיש בך
תודה רבה רבה! גם לך ❤️